procrastination mode

setting in the mind’s eye
of a sunny disposition
to step in expectations
of what you hunger for

have the feeling of joy
in unquestionable reality
rejoicing in outburst comfort
just can’t stop smiling

do you remember the dreams you had when your fifthteen?
what if they all starts to come true? Would you have told them to wait?

a behavior of delay
as plans are put off
week in the diary
uncertain about goals
to feel awkward with people
who come into view
with positive and confident
as you refuse the gift as early
when procrastination draw closer in you

#

-romel

i was there

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

song played…
great dance I’ve witnessed
in upbringing then
looking up to the dancer
wishing to be there

song advance…
heart start to drive faster
as stiff won’t be in motion
world seemed loose and wounded
when I failed the audition

song slows down…
dust my self off and try again
as the body won’t bring to an end
world seemed carefree and healed
when I pass the following test

song played…
having a lot of things to improve on
committed to practice and most excellent
short time tested my capability
making through the difficulties
striving more for the organization
with a fear of not meeting the expectations

song paused…
telling my self
I was alone
on top in making the decisions
organizing
smiling
standing in front
paper works at my face
deadlines that furiously chased

song played…
achieving the target
charming as champions
rejoicing the satisfaction
of the clapping and scream
from the audience

song fades…
seeing a new horizon
painstaking turns dreadful
having a disgraceful exit
without words of goodbye

song towards the back…
coping from the mistakes
learning from failures
sharing ones passion
continuing the drive

song played…

#

-romel

bringing back the friendship

tell your frustrations
to cry out loud
anger, hurt and insecurity
telling exactly what you feel

making the first shift
offender or offended
setting up peace discussion
to setback only deepens bitterness
choosing the right time and place
not when either of you is weary and hasty

understand their approach
to listen in
feeling not facts
to begin not solutions
to listen in
unload emotionally
as patience comes from wisdom

confessing your part of the clash
admitting your own mistakes
invite an intermediary to lend a hand your own actions

to attack the trouble
not the individual

working together as much as possible
lessen the price tag of pride

to identify with understanding
not with promises
‘cause understanding focuses on the relationship
and promises focuses on the trouble

#

-romel

Hurting Inside

Am I a total jerk?

Or am I just stupid?

I do not know what I am doing,

Loving a person who doesn't have the

chance to love me back.

I know I am hurting myself.

I feel broken; broken into pieces;

Can not restore it, like a puzzle with one piece lost.

I am hurting inside,
By keeping what I really feel.
I don't like to look like an idiot in front of him,
And expressing my feelings without even
expecting anything in return.

What shall I do?
Should I keep hurting myself?
Or let go?

#

-J.V. Tan
Pain and sorrow...

(story entry by J.V. Tan)

twisted hurt

soothing mind was inflamed
as the calm blood is boiling
and the pleasant skin is in fume
'cause rudeness made me mad

my anger continued to grow
by the comfort that is pain
putting a damper on my soul
to show annoyance from ones eyes

irritation drag on to furious
as beauty become ugly as sin
to invoke bad spell on
exceeding innocence to you

dilemma will be twisted
in a spot you feel distress
the heartache I was before
to agonize the revenge

punishment must inflict in return
for a horrify wrong done
as I lay open to view
on how I hurt by you

#

-romel

a place for us

it could be so nice and fine
if I'll be yours and you be mine
but I got better things
to see in a different light

being more than a friend
is like to be lost in thought
that I never hope and demand
'cause magic is hard to believe

somehow it could happen
if you only understand
the things that taken place
from the first time we kiss

if you say that you love me
looking beyond your words
things would become clear
to find a place for us

#

-romel

my angel

I leave no stone unturned in my life
to bump into things that is right
with you it seems I may have found
some contrasting style of love

like a heavenly spirit you came
clearing up all the thundershower
so positive that makes me whole
which brings contentment in my life

such a strong sensation inside
in a time of everyone life
that everything makes a different
it's a new dawn to dusk

beholden to feel the power of you
blessed by your calming touch
cursed in the end of time
to have you as my existence

#

-romel

in the end

promise was made
never to gift my heart again
to deliver freely to someone else
that will leave me in the end

because to wound one's feeling
is the most unfortunate
to encounter by myself
that will hurt me in the end

for the strength in trying
as the flower in the wasteland
to hold back the emotions
that will kill me in the end

thus to search of reasons
is terribly impossible
to take a chance again
that will love in the end

#

-romel

item missing

I ask God an angel
He ask me why
I answered Him:
because I'm lonely
then He gave me an angel

me and my angel become happy
we share our laughter and tears
the angel guide me everyday
but there's something missing

I ask God again:
can you make my angel turn to human being?
He ask why
I answered Him:
because the joy seems not real
then He made the angel to a man

the jokes and sentiments become real
I touch the person and touch me back
feeling a dream that is real
but there's something missing

I asked God again:
can that person love me?
He ask why
I answered Him:
because I fall in love in that person
then He made the person love me

my smile seems never last
making our path the same
holding each others hand
but there's something missing

I ask God again:
can that person care for me?
God ask why
I answered:
because I care for that person a lot
then God made that person care for me

I shared all my torns to that person
giving me some advices
as I pass on my troubles
but there's something missing

I realized that all I have was just like
an artificial
it doesn't come from the person's heart
but on the wishes God granted me

this time, God ask me:
is there anything you would like to ask?
He ask why
I replied:
'cause that person must grow on his own
not in the wishes I ask
then God slowly fade away

we grow in our own way
I've learn that the person is different
lots of problem came in our way
that hurt us so much

everything has change
the things we ought to do is gone
seems like all God given me was gone
which left me alone and hanging

realizing that this is real
which the person he came to be
he grow in the way he want
having no control on each other's plan

I ask God:
can you bring back the time when he is an angel?
He ask why
I answered:
because I was hurt
then He made the person back to an angel

everything is gone
the feeling of real turns to nothing
as I watch the angel fly away
I become still that words can only be spoken

I ask the angel:
where will you go?
the angel answer:
I'm just here above you

I let my angel fly as I live on my own

#

-romel

untitled

snow comes...

I was manipulated by frigid
that struggles me to be in flames
to bring into warm contact
to liquefy the ice in me

rain comes...

the water move swiftly through my face
as my eyes drown into cloudburst
setting one's eyes to a hero
to get rid of the sprinkle water

sun comes...

the moisture was remove in my skin
and my lips was drained of blood
so thirsty that I could hardly breath
which burns my innermost thoughts

cloud comes...

silhouette envelops my feature
that exclude light from my spot
petrified by the future will bring
and preparing oneself for next

wind comes...

strength gone out of my possession
as I've tried to stand at rest
like a statue that never collapse
in a legend of tornado

snow comes....
rain comes....
sun comes...
cloud comes....
wind comes...

repeating as they comes...
...as I wait that you will come

#

-romel

losing myself

I'd walk around and everyone laughs at me
hand on their lips as eyes on me
whispering a giggle so harsh and loud
dispassionate faces behind their mask
standing so small on my spot
as their height drown me in mud

I tried to be comfortable with them
taking away the shame in me
talking as what the real me
laughing in their jokes that is me
stepping in the rag with my face on it
as if I never knew what's on their mind

'cause their eyes telling about myself
on the mistakes I'd committed
viewing all the dark side in me
forgetting the good things I've done to them
looking at me like I'm a stranger
and a person who doesn't have dignity

#

-romel

1st candle light dinner

sconce under archaic and literary tallow
gave warm glow to the sunless chamber
that put into gleam and animates me

as the impassioned flame blistered me
of the living soul in front of me
in the dinner created by intimacy

sharing victuals on same stand
taking drunkenness of your submission
in the primitive candle light feast

#

-romel

the song

the harmonious sound blends with the wind
as the blue lyrics of the passionate song
makes my depressed heart crushed

the melody brings the sweet
memorise when I found you
as I delve into the deepest sea
and light upon what love means
founding you, loving you is
I ever wanted

but the unfavorable rhythm
scar my hopeless heart
to love you within the
boundaries of the song
to keep my love in the darkness
of a disconsolate song

#

-romel

walk of love

the journey of steps in passionate affection
count on one's first hand knowledge
whether in pathetic or in felicity
not on theories of others word

as I paint the picture of my track
of the heartbreaking passion
end not to aroused everyone pity
nor to place confidence in to a man

in my particular dark pace
with one's own two hand
craving the endless street of my fantasies
of love, infatuation and friendship

the coldness frozen me into apathetic
in the creepy dim road
of hopeless heavyhearted situation
going to unknown desire

suddenly my hand felt tepid
of an unknown sense of touch
that enliven the intense path
into unobstructed and free

out of the blue I found you
in the midst of the route
when my heart is in exigency
of a mate in the march of love

that's when love bring about
a new dimension of feelings
from the thundering crying heart
of the daydreaming absurd heart

suddenly ecstasy turns into grief
as i feel strongly of my move
of immoral, sinful and crooked
by touching your warmth hand

so I walked again on my own
wearing a smile in my feature
as I keep believing in the creature
that I'm going to be alright

#

-romel

October 2, 2008

1st day